still I will trust You


Goodbyes become normal in our community; we have a metaphorical revolving door at the front of our office that is continually set on a spin cycle. It’s difficult and beautiful and an incredible opportunity to learn how to dive deep, love deeper, and send people off with joy, celebration, and rejoicing.

But it’s also a time of wet eyes, lumps in throats, and unexpected emotions of grief in 3o’clock meetings.

And there is a part of me that believes this is a part of Kingdom. I think it’s continual movement, continual “hellos” and “see you laters.” I think it’s an ebb and flow and mixing of watercolors – bright, bold, beautiful, deep colors. It’s a thing so good and so holy and so beautiful that a realization of no distance in the Spirit, in the Body, in the Kingdom; is all you can hold on to. This belief that there are no dividers holding us back because all are welcome and all may go with love sending them forth. And with that love, a joy can be birthed that leads us to hope.

“Let her go. If it ends, it ends. We can move towards hope, that’s what’s beautiful about this place. We cannot run from heartache…heartache is a part of life, we know that now. She is running toward hope, let her run. If this place is worthy, she’ll be successful in her quest…and she is led by love. The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.” – The Village

We can be people led by Love and running towards hope. Change is inevitable, and at times; necessary.

Earlier this year I listened to a good man talk about his thoughts amongst all the change he was encountering and his place in the process of not understanding why he needed to pack up and move and leave a place full of comfort and love. His words have been with me ever since, and today they meet me where I am, ringing quiet in my spirit – carrying the weight of truth and reality.

“Sometimes things need to change in order for things to change.”

For I have undergone change; unknown and unexpected change. Hard, trying, and heartbreaking change. Joyful, rejoicing, and change worth celebrating. For the past four years, the season of fall has represented more to me than the coming of lavish holiday meals, family gathered under one roof, and the unfortunate necessity of multiple layers of clothing.

It has stood for new chapters of life, new stamps in my passport, the change of permanent addresses, heartbreak, loss, brokenness, new jobs, and tiny flickers of hope. It has meant stepping into the gray and breathing deep the flutter of excitement that at times comes with it.

This year has proved itself no different. As the trees have begun to reflect the intensity of the sunset and line the ground with the same bursts of color, I again find myself in position for a new season. But it is the steady heart beating inside of me that catches my attention. I have heard His steady whisper preparing and guiding every step of a simply hard year. I have tasted and seen that growing pains are just that – growth despite the pain. For perhaps the beginning of barrenness that fall ushers in can indeed bring clarity and further sight. Absent of anxiety, absent of fear, and full of anticipation and trust.

Because on the brink of change and the unknown and darkness and barrenness, Jesus spoke:

“Peace I leave with you; My [perfect] peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, not let it be afraid. [Let My perfect peace calm you in every circumstance and give you courage and strength for every challenge].” – John 14:27

He chose peace to leave. Knowing what was to come, knowing what all encompasses this life, He lovingly chose to give us something that can lead us to boldness and confidence and strength to fight and run towards the gray shades of the unknown. To run from glory to glory.

So for everyone stepping into a new season, good, bad, or unknown – may you cling tight to the belief that peace can hold the weight of your questions, that change isn’t always bad, that growth and life is found in the rainy and the winter seasons.

May we celebrate these seasons and moments with full hearts.

May we be hungry, expectant, and excited. For good things lie before us.


2 responses to “still I will trust You”

  1. That good man and his wise words; That crazy couple and their depth; You lovely woman and your truth: all voices that change me deeply and remind me that He is really in every part of this adventure. Thank you for your words, they are a gift. “I think it’s an ebb and flow and mixing of watercolors – bright, bold, beautiful, deep colors. It’s a thing so good and so holy and so beautiful…” Let’s swirl as pops of color on those blank white textured pages. Let’s run towards hope, led be love. Let’s be trees, darling.

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