the foundation beneath my knees

Faith wasn’t my strength.

My heart didn’t understand it and my thoughts couldn’t comprehend an idea that was overused and underlived. It presented itself to me as a code word only used by those sitting in the cushioned pews with the well kept Bible resting orderly beside them.

And it wasn’t a part of my life.

So I walked and believed that I wasn’t a woman with enough faith, a woman who wasn’t spiritual or holy enough to stand firm on all that word represented. It was just an idea that I would hide in the closet until I desperately needed it or could finally understand it.

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the redemption in rain

It had been almost 11 months since I’d jumped the big pond with 50 other people. 11 months since I’ve tagged teamed back to back flights across the world with an 11 hour bus ride. 11 months since I’d been on the world race.

Yet here I was again, loading up my backpack with a few pair of clothes and a hammock to add to the ever-growing city within our squad; a bit more packing savvy and a lot less worried with the thought of not having enough.

And I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard. Leaving this time brought a heaviness and a sadness beneath the excitement. The life I had come to love was about to change again and letting go felt a lot harder.

But the sign on the unlocked door said follow Me.

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look back: the thunder of month 8

stephanie may photography
stephanie may photography

 

Perversion. Corruption. Trickery. Lies. Immorality. Lust. Sex. Darkness. Death.

It all hung in the air as I walked along the main strip of Phuket, Thailand known as Bangla Road, smiling politely as the words “no thank you” escaped from my lips and my eyes stared into the person holding a border line explicit graphic flyer in front of my face to advertise a show named after the game I played growing up with my family in the room above our garage; ping pong will never be the same for me. As I looked down the street through the herd of cattle walking ahead, around and behind me, all waiting to follow the leader to the next big thing or the quickest path off the cliff to their destruction, I accepted the reality that one “no thank you” might not be enough.

I had just stepped out of the taxi.

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it caught my eye

It was another day for me, one where I found myself at the office without a title or a job, taskless and wandering, wondering what I was even doing. I had entered a transitory season; finishing CGA and my time at the office as I entered into my new role as a squad leader. These few weeks had been awkward and new, leaving me with time on my hands and unrest in body.

So I sought out the hammock.

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he didn’t have my number

It had been a long Sunday. One full of taking out the trash and changing toilet paper rolls for over 100 people. A day of hurting feet and not enough Starbucks.

So I sat on the tailgate of my loaded down truck parked next to the dumpster as more trash was brought around, ending my tasks with a deep breath and my eyes set on the still blue sky of a summer’s day.

I hadn’t been sitting for long before I felt my phone pulling me out of my daydreams and back into the reality of the moment.

I had a new text message.
It was a number I didn’t know.
All it said was Romans 10:14.

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